I knew that babies were a non-negotiable part of the deal if
we were going to stay together, but I just kind of expected it to happen in a
more planned way. We hadn’t been especially careful and it probably shouldn’t
have been quite as big a surprise as it felt at the time.
We agreed that we’d go on the big American holiday we’d been
planning, and then we’d get down to the business of buying a
house and preparing for parenthood. On the third day of our holiday I proposed
to her (in a helicopter over the Grand Canyon) and later she chose an engagement
ring from Bloomingdales in San Francisco (half price in the 4th of
July sale, woo!).
Sadly we lost that baby while we were still in America.* Six
months later we got married and on honeymoon in Venice wife discovered she was
pregnant again, nine(ish) months after that our first son was born.
That was exactly two years ago and today he's an actual walking, talking little person who loves meerkats, bubbles, and swinging spaghetti around his head like a lasso. Life has changed immeasurably, but for the most part it's been nowhere near as hard as people make it out to be, and the rewards are more than worth the sacrifices. Plus there's the whole "not growing old and dying alone" thing.
It's a bit of a rollercoaster - when you've got young kids your state of mind can swing from "My life is so perfect and blissful I think I'm going to vomit rainbows" to "I'm going to load the whole family into the car and drive it into the Thames" on an hourly basis. I'm sure that will level off a bit once they become old enough to reason with, or at least understand threats.
I sometimes think about what life would be like if we didn't have kids - but then I look at the people I know who didn't have kids and it's not like any of them are living the amazing DINKY lifestyles you'd expect, and a lot of them just seem overworked and bored.
If anything, the friends who have kids seem to do more with their free time because they need to keep them entertained. Since kids came along I don't work late any more, and almost every weekend we find fun stuff to do, usually with friends, because sitting around the house all day just isn't an option. Sometimes I pine for the days when I could flop down on the sofa on a Friday night and not budge an inch until 8am Monday morning, but at least I feel like I'm living a bit more now, and there's nothing like seeing the world through the eyes of an excitable two-year old to make life seem fun again.
That was exactly two years ago and today he's an actual walking, talking little person who loves meerkats, bubbles, and swinging spaghetti around his head like a lasso. Life has changed immeasurably, but for the most part it's been nowhere near as hard as people make it out to be, and the rewards are more than worth the sacrifices. Plus there's the whole "not growing old and dying alone" thing.
It's a bit of a rollercoaster - when you've got young kids your state of mind can swing from "My life is so perfect and blissful I think I'm going to vomit rainbows" to "I'm going to load the whole family into the car and drive it into the Thames" on an hourly basis. I'm sure that will level off a bit once they become old enough to reason with, or at least understand threats.
I sometimes think about what life would be like if we didn't have kids - but then I look at the people I know who didn't have kids and it's not like any of them are living the amazing DINKY lifestyles you'd expect, and a lot of them just seem overworked and bored.
If anything, the friends who have kids seem to do more with their free time because they need to keep them entertained. Since kids came along I don't work late any more, and almost every weekend we find fun stuff to do, usually with friends, because sitting around the house all day just isn't an option. Sometimes I pine for the days when I could flop down on the sofa on a Friday night and not budge an inch until 8am Monday morning, but at least I feel like I'm living a bit more now, and there's nothing like seeing the world through the eyes of an excitable two-year old to make life seem fun again.
*I could write at length about our experiences with the US
healthcare system, which ranged from World Class to Barbaric.
It's possible that it is a bit easier for you since your family does not have two parents working outside the home.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe not.
I knew a mother with three kids who was married to a wealthy doctor and not only didn't work outside the home, but also had a housekeeper/nanny and she *always* seemed frazzled.
Families come in all different kinds. You seem to be very fortunate. It's really nice to see someone appreciate their good fortune instead of taking it for granted. Still, don't assume it can be as easy for everyone.
As to U.S. health care, the range of world class to barbaric can probably be found in other countries. The worst thing here is that so many people can't fucking afford ANY care, even the barbaric. It was so wonderful to watch all those stupid ass politicians threaten to leave the country if we actually tried to make our health care more affordable...only to realize that every country they would consider moving to had exactly the kind of health care we are trying to achieve here. Of course, they were voted into office by some of the very same people who are screwed by their policies. Stupidity is just rampant in some parts of this country.
Fortunately, those rich old white guys are being replaced at a steady rate these days. Hopefully another few elections will get this place back on track before it's totally trashed.
Maybe by the time your kids are old enough to come visit on their own we'll have something better in place. And, yes, it will very likely take that long. *sigh*
I'm under no illusion that we have been extremely lucky with our parenting experience - financial security, plenty of friends and family nearby for support, lots of good local amenities for families, not to mention the fact that the kids are pretty easy (they both sleep from 7pm to 7am most nights). Wife is currently on maternity leave, but will go back to working a couple of days a week just to stop her nursing qualifications from lapsing.
ReplyDeleteThat said - luck will only take you so far - it also helps that we're both pretty level headed people, which makes things easier.
Mostly US healthcare was fine (in terms of quality) - although loading about £10k of medical bills onto my credit card, unsure of whether our travel insurance would pay out, was a bit worrying. The only bad bit was an OBGYN in SF who did a D&C with absolutely no anaesthetic - in the UK you'd get a full anaesthetic.
Well, anesthesiologists have the highest malpractice insurance of any of the medical specializations, so that would probably have added another 50% to your bills. Being a baby about pain, I would certainly consider it worth the money. But, in any case, at least you got a competent OBGYN. As sad as the experience was, it would have been so much worse if you'd gotten someone who'd made it difficult or impossible to have the two great kids you have now.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention the lovely little red-headed girl we hope to see in the not too distant future. ;)