Thursday, 21 March 2013
Key budget points at a glance
No more fancy biscuits, just Rich Tea.
The top rate of going on about Caitlin Moran's latest column will be increased to 17.5 from September.
Feeling a bit sad but not really being able to explain why to remain unchanged until 2014.
3% duty increase on bitter regret and wistful reminiscence. Unrequited love to be linked to inflation from next year.
£150million of extra funds earmarked for shouting at the telly, rising to £250million when Question Time is on.
Tax free earnings limit to be increased to look, over there, it's a heron!
As of 2014 energy will be equal to mass multiplied by the speed of light, to the power of 1.9.
Interest free loans, up to 20% of the value of a bottle of WKD Blue, for first time drinkers.
UK economy downgraded from grower to shower.
Rate of fingering reduced to 13%.
Debt as a share of GDP to increase from don't you worry your pretty little head about it to why don't you just put the kettle on and make a nice cup of tea?