It really bugs me when I'm watching porn and the guy can't get a proper boner. Let's be clear about this - you're getting paid to fuck the living shit out of a beautiful young media studies graduate who's up for getting into whatever filthy, nasty stuff you can come up with (and by 'up for' I mean 'contractually obliged') and you can't even be bothered to muster a hard-on?
Your one, single job is to turn up with an erection and you can't even get that right? You're like a soldier who turns up to a war with a tub of playdough instead of a gun.
You take our money and then you have the fucking nerve to stand there pretending to stuff your floppy cock into that poor young lady's butt, acting as if you're giving her a real pounding and not just ineffectually squishing the thing up against her arse like somebody trying to poke an uncooked hot-dog into keyhole? I mean, she's down there making all the right noises and doing the "oh god it hurts so good" face, but her eyes are full of disappointment. And so are mine.
Fuck you, you lazy piece of shit. People like you are the reason the economy is fucked. You should be the one down on all fours, getting carpet burn and a ruined arse. Take some pride in your work, for the love of christ.